Xiaobei

I

D:kuwoxiaobei

some time ago, my assistant told me that before the age of 25, if the word "tolerance" was involved in her relationship, she would feel very sad.

but after the age of 25, she felt that the word was the norm in the relationship, even the true meaning of marriage.

when you feel that you are the only one who can put up with it, the other person may be putting up with you, too.

the first time Xiao Yan understood this was her first boyfriend, Y, after graduating from college.

Y is 7 years older than Xiao Yan, and her social experience is much richer, so is her emotional experience.

when I was with Y, Xiao Yan had a romantic girl's heart and was full of fantasies about their cohabitation life.

but before long, she found that there was a huge difference in the way the two people thought and looked at things.

Xiao Yan's view of the world is ignorant and novel, and Y always wants to preach to her from the point of view of people who have been there.

No one is satisfied with the other between two people.

living habits are also very different. Xiao Yan is used to going to bed early, while Y often works late to get off work.

on the weekend, Xiao Yan wants to go out to take part in various activities and fill up the time, but Y just wants to use this time to have a good rest at home.

at first, Y also allowed Xiao Yan to take him to various places to sign in. After a long time, he began to be dissatisfied. He felt that Xiao Yan was inconsiderate.

Xiao Yan also feels aggrieved, she makes every trip plan, she tries her best to find out the strategy, and her boyfriend is ungrateful.

I asked her at that time, didn't you want to go with your friends?

Xiao Yan looks bleak. "I came to a new city as soon as I graduated, and I didn't make any friends."

in Xiao Yan's world, Y is almost all of her.

but for Y, Xiao Yan is only a part of his life, or love is only a part of his life. He has friends, colleagues, and all kinds of social activities.

it seems that this is true in the adult world, and it is difficult for us to spend 80% of our energy and time around one person.

slowly we will know that in a relationship, it is not necessary for two people to stick together, have their own independent space, and allow each other to have independent space is more important.

Y gives Xiao Yan an example.

he said, suppose one morning, we all want to have breakfast, I want to eat steamed buns in the east, and you want to drink coffee in the west, time is urgent, we can only go to one place, what would you do?

you may choose to let me go with you, or you may be aggrieved to accompany me.

but consistency means that one side has to compromise, or both.

most of the time, our communication and communication is actually to convince each other.

in the middle where there is no absolute right or wrong, why can't different ways of thinking be allowed when you don't have to choose one of the two?

this is the truth of harmony but differences in feelings. We don't agree blindly, but we allow differences to exist.

the same is true of "patience".

does not mean to endure grievances to swallow the bitter water into the stomach, but to endure the impulse to impose emotions and ideas on the other person, allowing him to have his own way of behavior and space.

Carina Lau said that husband and wife should leave room for each other. Apart from marriage, you are you and I are me.

many people question their marriage, saying that it will be emotionless, but they are just playing on their own.

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I don't think so. I think this is the wisdom of marriage.

Love, like marriage, is often a self-consistent process. The essence of any relationship is the relationship between yourself and yourself. No matter who you marry, you are actually living with yourself.

A good relationship is that rather than changing others, it is most important to manage yourself and spend your time changing others on yourself so as to generate a steady stream of self-confidence and light.

when two people are together, they are human to each other, and when they are not together, they can become universes.

the same is true of love and marriage.

accompany each other, but do not lose yourself, in the intimacy, sparse youdao to find the so-called balance, in order to better and longer-term to manage a relationship.