Frequency

I have heard a sentence:

"everyone is our mirror, and we unconsciously teach others how to treat ourselves. You take credit for any bad relationship. "

the communication between people is exploratory and responds accordingly through the feedback of information.

if the people around you snub you and ignore you, it is often because you are a person who does not have an independent mind and seldom express your ideas in public.

if people around you always despise you and bully you, this is often the end of your own boundless connivance and compromise.

other people's attitude towards you is often taught by you

in fact, the way other people treat us often does not depend on each other, but on ourselves.

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in the TV series Dear self, the hostess Zhang Zhizhi is a woman who constantly compromises and lowers her bottom line for the sake of her family, and is also a particularly distressing character for the audience.

in life, Zhi Zhi is generous to her family, but hard on herself.

the bag on my back is 58 yuan, so I only dare to buy less than 100 yuan for skin care products.

even if her husband gave her a 200 yuan thermos cup as a birthday present, she thought it was too expensive, so she turned around and took it to the mall to return it.

for the sake of her husband and children, she completely lost herself and devoted herself to her family.

at home, she does all the housework, taking care of the children, washing and cooking and waiting on her husband.

facing the opportunity for career promotion, Zhi Zhi originally wanted to try

when she tried, her husband said to her with a straight face:

"my children and I are your career."

she dared not retort, so she had to comply, so she gave up the opportunity decisively.

in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, she doesn't know how to refuse.

her mother-in-law wanted her to have a second child and forced her to take traditional Chinese medicine until she had diarrhea.

I didn't say it until the body couldn't stand it when I ate traditional Chinese medicine.

in order to work hard for her family and swallow her anger in order to maintain her marriage, Zhi Zhi mistakenly thinks that if she is soft in front of others, she can run a good relationship.

in life, she who always takes a step back will only make the people around her treat her harder and harder.

she pays with no regrets and compromises without a bottom line, in return for her husband's infidelity and her mother-in-law's contempt.

have heard a saying: "A long-term and comfortable relationship,

depends on generality and attraction, rather than blindly giving and moral self-touching. "

in a relationship, the lower you put yourself, don't blame the other person for looking down on you.

you don't take yourself seriously and expect who will care about you.

if a person is not enough to cherish himself, how can he expect others to love you?

in contrast, Gu Jia in the movie "Thirty" is a full-time wife, but she is an economy

and independent-minded women.

she not only keeps her life in good order, but also gives advice for her husband Xu Fengshan's career.

regardless of the choices she faces in work or life, she can make her own decisions instead of handing over the choices of her own life to others.

Gu Jia is neither humble nor arrogant when dealing with people, she is a confident woman with vigorous action and powerful aura.

in the face of her husband's affair, Gu Jia, who was determined in his heart, rationally chose to divorce her husband Xu Fengshan after careful consideration.

also in the face of her husband's affair, Zhang Zhizhi does not have the bottom line and courage of Gu Jia.

her husband Liu Yang even slapped her after the affair, but even so she still chose to forgive, delusional to make him change his mind.

it is her cowardice and lack of independence that makes her live so humbly.

most of the time, grievance and perfection can not be exchanged for the other party's thoughtfulness and kindness, your tolerance and compromise will only allow the other party to trample on his bottom line wantonly.

only by being strong and independent can others love you better.

No one can hurt you without your permission

writer Yang Jiang once said:

"you have the upbringing of not hurting others, but not the aura of not being hurt.

if there is no one to protect you, please take an edge in your kindness to protect yourself. "

We cannot control the way others behave, but we can grasp the bottom line and principles of our own life.

be tough, so that you won't be bullied by those who are bullied.

if you dare to refuse, you won't let those with deep intentions take advantage of you.

my friend Xiaomin always complains to me about his grievances at work:

"Why am I always bossed around by my colleagues in the same class, asking me to get her a glass of water and help her change her unfinished plan, and tell me to get her a delivery later after work?"

after listening to Xiaomin's distress, I asked her, "have you ever refused?"

Xiaomin shook her head and defended herself:

"they are all colleagues of the same company, and they are afraid of refusing to go with them later."Not a good relationship. "

when you complain that others treat you badly, do you realize that you have given up on yourself?

because he is afraid of offending people, he chooses to swallow his anger, so as to put himself in a position of being manipulated at will.

you have never fought for your own rights and interests, and you don't take your feelings seriously.

when you get along, you fail to keep your square inch and tolerate others to step into your land again and again.

how can you ask others to think for you and respect you?

there is a saying in "disqualification in the world":

"my misfortune lies in my lack of the ability to refuse. I am afraid that once I refuse others, I will leave a rift that will never heal in each other's hearts."

but your non-refusal is precisely the reason for others to hurt you. If you don't know how to refuse, don't blame others for taking an inch.

later, Xiaomin also learned to refuse. "after learning to reject others, I lived a much happier life, and finally I didn't have to consume myself anymore," she said. "

Xiaomin told me that since she bravely refused other people's unreasonable requests, the number of people calling her slowly became less and less.

Let others know that enough is enough for others to treat themselves, and the relationship after rejection is not as bad as she thought.

I have heard such a saying: "when you learn to reject others, they will respect you and even think highly of you, because rejection itself is a kind of aura."

only if you don't compromise easily, you won't get hurt easily. No one can hurt you without your permission.

there is a measure of kindness and tolerance

is the highest state of being alive

there is a sentence in the book "walking on the edge of life":

"that's the way human nature is. If you want to be an honest man at peace with the rest of the world, people will use you to bully you. If you give in generously, people will infringe on you and hurt you. "

therefore, each of us must have a good grasp of the degree in our life.

even some trivial things never lower your bottom line. You should respect your feelings and stick to your principles.

if you are too cowardly and honest, it is easy to be pinched by others as "soft persimmons".

blindly tolerating and compromising will only lead to further bullying.

if you are too sensitive and sensible and always cater to others, you can only make yourself more and more tired.

others are ungrateful and only take your hard work for granted.

when you get along with others, you don't have to be wronged in order to please others.

while you tolerate others, you are actually consuming yourself.

it is easy to be taken advantage of if you are too kind, and you will be bullied if you are too patient.

being kind and tolerant is the highest state of life.

only if you take yourself seriously will others take you seriously.

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