Always remember that your kindness should be given to someone who is worth it.
Mr. Yang Jiang said in "going to the Edge of Life":
"in this world, you intend to be an honest man at peace with the world, and people will use you to bully you."
if you have a little bit of talent and moral character, people will envy you and exclude you.
if you give in generously, people will hurt you and hurt you.
the truest side of human nature, probably.
once we were used to wronging ourselves, just to take care of the feelings of everyone around us.
the more you experience, the more you will understand that not all goodness can be answered, and not all concessions can be exchanged for gratitude.
not all people in the world deserve your mind and pattern.
the writer Zhou Guoping told the story of a friend.
there was a scoundrel who borrowed a sum of money from a friend and promised to pay it back in a few days.
A few days later, his friend urged him to pay back the money. Unexpectedly, he said angrily, "Why do you care so much that you have come to collect debts after only a few days?"
my friend felt embarrassed and wondered if he was too stingy, so he pressed the matter down not to mention it.
after another three years, the other party's economic conditions improved, life went smoothly, and friends felt that it was time to ask for money.
unexpectedly, as soon as the voice fell, the other party jumped up and shouted:
"how long have you been so obsessed with it?"
not everyone in this world deserves you to be nice to him.
as Jin Yong said in "Book and Sword, gratitude and Revenge":
"people in the rivers and lakes are sinister and treat friends, of course, benevolence and righteousness comes first. But if you treat a villain with a soft heart, you will be fooled. "
more than 20 years ago, as soon as New Oriental's career improved, Yu Minhong was robbed and nearly died.
at that time, because of the needs of the course, Yu Minhong paid 200000 in advance and rented a resort for student training.
after the training, the actual settlement fee is 170000, and the owner of the resort needs to refund 30, 000 yuan according to the contract.
but the boss had already squandered the money and couldn't find any money to return it.
under urgent circumstances, he went to Yu Minhong to plead for mercy.
Yu Minhong softened, waved his hand and said, "it's all right, just forget it."
it is this sentence that makes the resort owner realize that Yu Minhong has a lot of silly money and a very broad mind, so he plans kidnapping in his heart.
one day when Yu Minhong got off work, he found the right opportunity, injected Yu Minhong with an anesthetic injection, stole a huge sum of money from Yu Minhong's family, and then fled.
later, the police found Yu Minhong and sent him to hospital for emergency treatment.
when Yu Minhong woke up, he was glad he survived, but at the same time he finally understood: I was too kind to this man, so he came to himself as soon as he wanted to commit a crime.
it is because of his excessive kindness and softness that he gives the bad guys a chance.
Bai Yansong said:
"Why do people take you less and less seriously, because you are too talkative?"
if you ask for something, you will agree to it; if you ask for something, you will give it to you.
you have successfully created an unprincipled self, and since you have no principles, people naturally have no bottom line for you. "
there is nothing wrong with being broad-minded, but it also depends on who the other person is.
your pattern, in front of a gentleman who appreciates gratitude, is a kind of kindness;
in front of ungrateful people, it will only be a way for them to get more.
your patience, in front of those who are grateful, is a kind of kindness;
in the eyes of those who take an inch, it will only make them think that you are easy to bully.
the dog is not well fed, the snake is not hot, and the man is not good.
never waste your kindness and generosity on those who are not worth it.
in 1966, American psychologist Friedman did such an experiment.
he sent someone to randomly interview a group of housewives and asked to put a billboard on their window, which the housewives gladly accepted.
after a while, they asked for another sign to be put in the housewives' yard.
these signboards are not only bigger than the last one, but also affect their appearance.
as a result, 55% of the housewives agreed.
as a result, only 17% of the housewives agreed to put the big and ugly billboard.
this is the famous "threshold effect".
the "threshold effect" means that once a person accepts a trivial request from another person, he is likely to accept a larger request.
similarly, after a person's requirements are met, he tends to take an inch and make more exorbitant demands.
over and over again, goodwill will be squeezed and greed will continue to grow.
@ Lao Cao
have shared their own experiences.
Lao Cao is a native of the countryside. He studied hard in the cold window for ten years and was admitted to a university in a big city.
you can beat your relatives and friends in the countryside.After his friends knew about it, there was no peace in his life.
at first, relatives and friends heard that he was doing well in the big city, so they asked him for help.
some asked him to help him wait in line for registration, some asked him to help see a doctor, and some asked him to help buy medicine in private.
Lao Cao could not bear to refuse as he thought of his old affection. After being busy, it was all done by others.
but these things inevitably cost money.
at first, he gritted his teeth for tens of millions of pennies.
but then the baby was born and the parents were ill in bed.
seeing more and more people asking for their own help, Lao Cao began to politely refuse the requests of the villagers.
I didn't expect that the people who had received his favors would scold him behind his back.
"stingy", "ungrateful", "people who have come to the big city are gone with the wind"....
Old Cao's heart was half cold. He always felt that he had done enough, but in the end he didn't get a good word.
there was a hot comment on NetEase under the song "Bad good people":
"be sincere to everyone, but you can't be a good person. Someone smiles at you and says behind your back that you are stupid; someone accepts your gift and scolds you for being poor. "
people's psychology is that the nicer you are to others, the more they take it for granted.
if you smile too much, you are used to having problems. If you are too talkative, it will make people think that you are a fool without temper.
so to pay, it depends on who is right; to help others, it also depends on your own ability.
with a soft heart without boundaries and tolerance without scale, there will only be more and more bad people around you.
A story was told in "Fan Si Xun".
after Prime Minister Lu Wenyi resigned from his official position and returned to his hometown, he once met a drunken man on the road.
the man shouted curses at Lu Wenyi, and his words were extremely vicious.
people around her fight for injustice for Lu Wenyi, but Lv Wenyi is kind-hearted and will not be investigated.
but a year later, the man committed a more serious crime and was sentenced to death.
when Lu Wenyi learned this, she felt very guilty.
if he had been punished and feared at that time, it might not have resulted in today's outcome.
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it is good to be magnanimous, but without the magnanimity of principle, it will only harm yourself and others.
the real pattern is not to care when it is time to tolerate, and not to be lenient when it is time to do so.
the arrival of Pu Liangpei and his wife has made their already narrow space more crowded and inconvenient.
but adhering to the idea that distant relatives are not as good as close neighbors, Qian Zhongshu and his family have always valued harmony.
unexpectedly, step by step concessions can not be exchanged for real "goodwill."
one weekend, Qian hired a laundryman to wash clothes at home.
as a result, when Pu Liangpei's wife, Zhao Xiangfeng, saw it, she wanted to take advantage of it and asked the laundryman to wash it for herself.
Qian Xun felt that her request was unreasonable, so she politely refused, but she was directly slapped by Zhao Xiangfeng.
when Yang Jiang saw her daughter being bullied, she rushed up and tore it with Zhao Xiangfeng and his wife.
at this time, Qian Zhongshu, who heard the sound, ran out quickly.
if in the past, the gentle Qian Zhongshu encountered difficulties from Pu Liangpei and his wife, he had never seen anything like them.
but this time, seeing that his wife and daughter had been beaten by others, he picked up the plank next to him and hit Pu Liangpei.
it was Qian Zhongshu's rigidity that made Pu Liangpei and his wife recognize him and his wife. After that, they no longer dared to embarrass Qian Zhongshu and his family.
the life of the Qian family has finally returned to peace.
Yu Hua said: "when we treat the world ferociously, the world suddenly becomes gentle and gentle."
it's not because it's fierce that makes the world gentle, but because your bottom line makes people around you in awe.
when your bottom line is clearer and your principles are stronger, others will know how to get along with you.
this is the best way to save each other.
when you become difficult to mess with, the world will be gentle to you.
there is a question on Zhihu: "since when did you decide not to tolerate others?"
High praise replied that I liked it very much: "in fact, I never decided not to tolerate others any more, just decided not to tolerate everyone any more."
to be a human being, leniency and concession is a kind of self-restraint, and occasional haggling is to tell others that you are not a fool.
the former is the pattern and the latter is the bottom line.
the pattern is not to blindly suffer losses and tolerance all the time, but to draw the sword without hesitation when it is time to shine the sword.
always remember that your goodness should be given to those who are worthy of it.
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