Kindness without a bottom line will only feed each other into enemies who engulf us.
A friend asked Cai Lan:
"you are always easygoing with others.
whether you can talk to garbage dumpsters or market vendors, is there anyone you don't like?
Cai Lan replied, "Yes, people who like negativity the least." The kind of negativists who groan for a long time and do not actively improve their lives.
in our life, we often meet a kind of people who especially like to sell badly, as if they are the unluckiest people in the world.
such people are in fact what Cai Lan called negatives.
if you spend a long time with such a person, your own energy will be exhausted.
so don't easily let people who sell badly get close to you.
Gary Smeyer, a professor at the University of Los Angeles, has a famous "emotional contagion experiment".
he put a smiling man in the same room with a sad face, and observed their mood changes.
in less than half an hour, the smiling man became sad.
Smeer therefore draws an experimental conclusion:
people's bad emotions can be transmitted to others unwittingly.
people who like to sell badly are sending negative emotions to you.
there used to be a cafe near the home of writer Ai Xiaoyang, which is a mom-and-pop shop, and business is very prosperous.
later, the boss died of a sudden heart attack, and the cafe was taken care of by the landlady alone.
when many regular customers see her pitifully, they want to help her and often bring friends to patronize her.
can come and go, and these regular customers have disappeared.
Ai Xiaoyang said that these people were scared away by the miserable sale of the landlady.
the landlady has experienced major changes in her life, and everyone can understand when she occasionally talks about it to her guests.
but although it has been a long time, she still complains to everyone like Mrs. Xianglin.
she cried that business was not easy, regular customers did not come, staff turnover was large, and she was very tired to support a store alone.
when people go to the store for coffee, they want to relax and relax, but in the end, they are so preoccupied by her that they naturally don't want to take care of her business.
in many cases, emotions can spread from person to person like a cold.
you will have the same emotions as the people around you.
Huang Qituan, author of "Circle Breakthrough", puts forward such a view:
if a person can warm others and make people feel positive and happy, such a person is called a "luminous body".
A person who only sends negative emotions to others will lose his energy. Such a person is called a "black hole".
people who like to sell badly are like a black hole.
when you get close to a black hole, you will become depressed, and even if you are a positive person, you will gradually be full of negative emotions.
"break up" says:
"if a person always arouses your anxiety and you can't change it, maybe it's the best choice to leave."
for those who bring you negative energy, if you can't shut them up, staying away is the wisest choice.
there is a saying in psychology:
everyone deals with everything, which is a process of brain remodeling.
what kind of things you deal with, you can't help but play the corresponding role until you become that way.
gaze into the abyss for too long, and the abyss will stare at you.
with people who like to sell badly, you will inevitably be assimilated together.
when he returned to his apartment after work, his colleagues often went to George's room and told him that he was targeted by the leader every day and had a miserable life.
and the salary is so low in the newspaper that there is no way to meet the daily expenses.
what he talked about most was that his parents were both farm workers and could not give him any help in his career, so it was difficult for him to gain a foothold in New York.
when George first joined the newspaper, he worked very hard.
but since his colleagues laid it out, he no longer works hard and gets drunk with his colleagues after work.
that Christmas, George went home to visit his relatives.
he was suddenly saddened to see that his father worked hard every day to support his family, and then thought of how drunk he looked every day.
although he was born in an ordinary family, his parents have tried their best to give him the best life.
when you think about it, most of your colleagues are friendly and he loves the work of the newspaper.
the earth-shaking changes in his life began when he met that colleague who loved to sell badly.
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back in New York, the first thing George did was move out of his apartment.
there is a good saying:
"the people who often sell miserably in front of you are people who want to drag you into it. Put you in a quagmire and be miserable, so that his heart will be balanced. "
those who always put themselves in the garbage will become rubbish sooner or later.
"the more kind-hearted people are, the less aware of the malice of others.
you think you are helping others through difficult times.
but those people are actually deceiving you and taking advantage ofyou.
there are many people around us who take advantage of you in a miserable way.
@ Li Siyu
there was such a thing.
Li Siyu competes with her former master for the post of director.
although Master started early, her performance was mediocre and her leadership skills were not satisfactory.
and Li Siyu's professional ability is excellent, and he has a good reputation among his colleagues.
as a result, Master came to her and said that she was old, and if the competition lost, the company might take the opportunity to lay him off. When she reached middle age, the burden on her shoulders was very heavy, and the house was full of places where money was needed.
after listening to each other's crying, Li Siyu missed the old love and gave up the competition.
A gesture of kindness only ends up biting the hand that feeds you.
there is a question on Zhihu: why do people who sell badly not deserve to be sympathized with?
one answer goes like this:
"because they have something on us, that is our kindness and empathy. One's kindness and compassion should not be taken advantage of, let alone deceived. "
not everyone in the world will return the favor for our kindness.
kindness without a bottom line will only feed each other into enemies who engulf us.
I have read such a paragraph:
"people who like to sell badly are pitiful on the outside, but they are cold and indifferent on the inside.
not only can we not save a person who is full of hostility, but if we do not have enough internal force, we will be eaten back. "
, don't let people who sell badly get close to you.
this is not indifference, but a kind of self-protection.
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