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see a question on Zhihu:

Why is it that the more you treat a person, the better you are, the less you are cherished? Am I not good enough?

the high praise answer is quite piercing: "it's not that you're not good enough, but that you're too good." It is because it is good to everyone, your good, it becomes extremely cheap. "

as said in "disqualification in the World": no matter who is too enthusiastic for, it increases the probability of not being cherished.

Adult relationships can be greeted with a smile instead of trying to please them.

it doesn't mean that you can be grateful with all your heart.

if your posture is too low and your temper is too good, you will only get hurt.

always remember, don't be a cheap person in any relationship.

No bottom line to pay

can't get each other's gratitude

in psychology, there is a famous formula called 100-1-0.

means that if you are nice to someone 100 times, he may not remember. But as long as there is one dissatisfaction, it will obliterate all the previous efforts.

have seen such a piece of news:

A woman knelt in the street crying bitterly, clinging to another woman's hand:

"I lent you 600000, and if you give me back 500000, I won't say anything."

it turns out that the two men are friends and are very close on weekdays.

therefore, when a woman lends money to her so-called "best friend", she does not expect to write an IOU at all. As a result, the "best friend" does not admit it after receiving the money.

this is probably the most despicable aspect of human nature.

when you get used to taking, you forget to be grateful; when you get used to receiving, you take it for granted.

as NetEase said in the hot comment under the song "Bad good people":

"

be sincere to everyone, but you can't be a good person; someone smiles at you and says you're stupid behind your back; someone takes gifts from you and scolds you for being poor.

"

if you pay too much, others will get used to it. If you don't get a thank you, you may get a grip on it.

if you worry too much about other people's affairs, you may only get apathy and resentment.

in real society, you might as well be a cooler person.

your kindness and kindness should be left to someone who deserves it.

unprincipled tolerance

is easy to be squeezed as a soft persimmon

there is a line in the movie Blacklist:

"

Why others dare to do bad things to you is because you make people feel that they can do bad things to you without paying any price.

"

sounds cruel, but it's true.

most of the time, you are bullied because there is no cost to bully you.

in the Strange Story, Bonnie Bo told the story of her childhood.

once in a PE class, a male classmate hit her on the head with a basketball in front of the whole class.

but she chose to be patient and never said a word.

the other person either laughed at her running posture or arrogantly instructed her to do this and that.

but no matter how much she was bullied, she did not resist.

when she really can't stand it, she will only hide in the corner and cry secretly.

later, as Bonnie grew up, she found that her character became more and more sensitive and inferiority complex.

to make matters worse, as long as she recalled the experience, her heart was as painful as a knife.

psychologist Zhang Defen once said:

the relationship between people is often engulfed by each other. If "I" is not hard enough, it is easy to be swallowed by "others".

sometimes, we also hope that a moment of forbearance can make peace.

do not realize that excessive tolerance will only be self-made arsenic.

in the Talmud, which is the standard of Judaism, people often use "Sabras" to describe Jews. "Sabras" translated into Chinese means "cactus".

Jews believe that one's character should be the same as a cactus: soft on the inside and prickly on the outside.

cactus can not become a delicate and beautiful flower, but because it is full of sharp thorns, it can protect its soft heart.

being a person with a good heart but not easy to mess with is the best way to save yourself.

when you become difficult to mess with

the world will become gentle

economist Veblen once did an experiment.

he priced a high-quality chocolate at $1 and regular chocolate at 1 cent.

unexpectedly, everyone went to buy $1 worth of expensive chocolate.

so he came to the conclusion that consumers are more willing to pay for high-priced goods.

later, this phenomenon was called "Veblen effect" and was widely used in the field of psychology.

in fact, it is the same phenomenon in our interpersonal communication.

the more humble and talkative a person is, the cheaper it will be in the eyes of others.

the more noble and posturing a person is, the more attractive he will be.

the character of writer Wang Zengqi has been gentle and easygoing in his early years.

compared with the stern and solemn images of other literary figures, he is particularly approachable.

but such a good temper, not only did not usher in good luck for him, but brought a lot of trouble.

by chance, he met a young man who was obsessed with literature.

the young man tried to ask Wang Zengqi about his writing experience, but he didn't expect that the other person was so generous that he taught all his experiences.

later, in order to make it easier to listen to Wang Zengqi's teachings every day, the young people asked to move to Wang's house.

Wang Zengqi felt a little embarrassed because his residence was really small.

but the young man said he would like to live in a cramped basement, so Wang Zengqi had no choice but to agree.

unexpectedly, after the young man moved in, he always knocked on Wang Zengqi's door with a toothbrush before dawn and impolitely asked him to give him advice on the manuscript.

Wang Zengqi endured sleepiness several times to give advice on the manuscripts, but the young people's articles are really nothing to talk about and there is no room for improvement.

one morning, he said to the young man holding a toothbrush:

"Don't come again, I'm busy;

you can't say outside that I'm your teacher, I don't have you as a student;

"

with a refusal, Wang Zengqi finally returned to a clean life.

what surprised him even more was that the arrogant and insolent young man had treated him differently since then, and his words were full of respect and respect.

Wu Zhihong said: "when others perceive that you are a difficult person to mess with, you are easy to get respect, and in the end, it is easy to gain a good relationship."

in the face of other people's demands, compromise and acceptance will only make you physically and mentally exhausted.

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learn to block a person and try to reject something, it won't do much harm to anyone.

when you harden your heart and become difficult to mess with, the world will be gentle to you.

▽

writer Huang Qituan has a book called "you teach you what others do to you."

in the book, he wrote this sentence:

each of us unconsciously teaches others how to treat ourselves.

some people teach others to respect themselves, some people teach others how to love themselves, and some people teach others how to hurt themselves.

in this world, sensible people are suffering grievances, those who are considerate are not understood, and those who are considerate of others are not easily understood.

once it hurts, you will understand that maturity is not a matter of indulgence and concession.

but don't be lenient when you should refuse, and don't give in when you should be cruel.

raise your posture and show your external edge in order to live a free and easy life.

, share with your friends.

author

: Leyla every night,

one book a week is released by authorization.