When is emotionally stable, life will go smoothly.
I have seen a very interesting passage:
"I was standing at the foot of the mountain, and someone scolded me at the bottom of the mountain. I was very angry when I heard it.
I was standing halfway up the mountain. Someone scolded me at the bottom of the mountain. I couldn't hear him clearly. I thought he was saying hello to me.
I stood on the top of the mountain, and someone scolded me at the bottom of the mountain. There was only the sound of the wind in my ears and the charming scenery in my eyes.
the top of the mountain is actually the big pattern of our life.
the pattern is big, and all big things are small things;
the pattern is small and trivial is a big deal.
most of the time, we can't manage our emotions well because we don't have enough patterns.
comes from your cognition
I believe many people have had this experience:
because of all kinds of negative emotions, I often can't help saying some extreme words or doing some extreme behaviors.
in those out-of-control emotions, we hurt both others and ourselves.
remember seeing such a piece of news.
A woman found her storeroom blocked by a BMW. In a fit of anger, she picked up pebbles from the side of the road and scratched them toward the front hood of the car, smashing the front windshield of the car.
later, according to the appraisal of the price certification center, the value loss of the BMW totaled 8516 yuan, and the woman had already constituted the crime of intentionally destroying property.
at this time, the woman realized that she had made a mistake, and at the hearing, she burst into tears and repented.
A pathway is linked to basic emotions. It transmits information very quickly, but it is error-prone.
the other pathway, which is connected to the cognitive system, is slower to transmit information, but can analyze your emotions and draw more correct conclusions.
these two pathways can run in parallel, and when we complement each other, we will be able to respond timely and accurately to external stimuli, thus dominating our emotions.
this also explains why we often feel remorse and regret when our emotions are out of control.
if our cognitive level is not enough, it is easy to be misled by the first pathway, and our behavior will be wrong as a result.
it can be said that our emotions are not only our instinctive reactions, but also the result of our cognitive decisions.
with different cognition, each of us has a very different ability to manage emotions.
the bigger the pattern, the smaller the mood
there is such an old man in the TV series "the Old Tavern". He is a regular guest of the pub. Every time he goes for a drink, he always brings his own side dishes. Then he orders two or two wines and sits in the corner of the pub, tasting the wine while looking into the distance.
once, he was accidentally stepped on his foot, others apologized to him, he humorously replied: "I am sorry to you, delayed your foot landing."
when he was asked if he had been trampled on, he replied simply: "my shoes are big!"
on another occasion, a rogue drinker filled his jug with white water. when he found out, he kept quiet and finally put his teasers to shame.
some people say:
"there is a big pattern of one person behind emotional stability."
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what is a pattern? Pattern is the scope of our understanding of a thing.
our experience, knowledge and thinking constitute our cognition.
most of the time, we feel pain, often because our cognition is too shallow, and the slightest emotion may be infinitely magnified by us.
as someone said, anger at one's own incompetence.
on the contrary, the higher our cognitive level, the larger our pattern.
accordingly, the less things we don't like, the less pain we feel, and the more stable our emotions are.
someone once asked Tsai Chongxin, a permanent partner of Alibaba, what saddened him most over the years.
he replied: there seems to be nothing sad, but I have experienced some difficult things to deal with.
it seems that in his eyes, all things are difficult to deal with at best, and there will not be too many emotional ups and downs.
and he also told us that in front of things, solving problems is far more important than venting emotions.
in life, what kind of pattern is what kind of height.
as the saying goes, for those who achieve great things, the most important thing is the pattern.
instead of worrying about gains and losses in emotion, concentrate on self-improvement.
therefore, do not confine yourself to your own world, but look into the distance and refresh your understanding of the world step by step.
I believe that as our pattern gets bigger and bigger, we will be more tolerant of the world.
manage your emotions
can you manage your life well
there is a saying on the Internet:
in the workplace, you will communicate, add 10 points; cooperate, add 20 points; develop resources, add 50 points; but if you often lose control of your emotions, deduct 100 points, because no one will use or promote a person who is out of control in the workplace.
although emotionIt's not our whole life, but it can affect our whole life.
managing our emotions well can not only give us a peaceful state of mind, but also a positive attitude towards life.
how to better manage your emotions, try the following suggestions:
1. Draw your own "emotion tree"
some people have put forward the saying of "emotion tree". On the emotion tree, emotion "walking to the left" is growth, and "walking to the right" is collapse.
when emotions arise, many of us instinctively choose to escape or vent out of control, and finally hurt others and ourselves, which is emotion moving to the right.
and some people can identify emotions, and be able to face them positively, and finally turn emotions into a forward force, which is emotions moving to the left.
for example, when we feel pain, people who walk to the right will magnify the suffering and end up in a situation of self-pity.
people who walk to the left are trying to find out the source of pain and finally turn grief into strength.
if you want to transform your emotions, try to draw your own "emotion tree".
when you know enough about your emotions, you can make the right choice at the emotional fork.
2, delay judgment and learn to think positively
I believe many people have heard the story of "half a glass of water":
when you are thirsty, you happen to see half a glass of water on the table, and someone will say, "Great, there's still half a glass of water here!"
and some people will complain: "too bad, there is only half a glass of water!"
some people even said, "isn't a glass full of water if you change to a smaller container?"
what does this mean?
shows that our so-called emotions are not what we perceive the world to be like.
as someone said:
"what really matters is how we look at it."
so, when you realize that your emotions are coming up, you might as well wait.
try to calm yourself down by taking a deep breath or diverting attention, and then look at the problem from multiple angles.
maybe before we know it, many of our emotions disappear.
3. Grow up and break your cognitive level
in Chinese characters, there is a group of such combinations:
Man at the top of the mountain is man + mountain = immortal; man at the bottom of the valley is man + valley = vulgarity.
Immortals and vulgarity, the only difference is the height, but it deduces two completely different lives.
there is a saying that is very good:
"your level of awareness determines the height of your life.
Cognition is the underlying logic of our understanding of the world. if our cognition stays at the bottom forever and does not rise to the top, we can only stay in place and gradually become "vulgar".
only by constantly learning and thinking can we have the ability to break our cognitive hierarchy and grow upward.
when we see a bigger world and meet more beautiful things, we will be able to face all kinds of emotional changes more calmly.
Susan, professor of psychology at Yale University, once said:
"We are the masters of emotions, and when our wisdom is in harmony with our inner feelings, and our actions are consistent with our values, we create a way to achieve our best self through emotions.
Learning to manage our emotions is not only the most important topic in our lives, but also our lifelong practice.
if you compare life to a bronze lock, then emotion is the key to the bronze lock.
when you are emotionally stable, your life will be smooth.
We are willing to stabilize our emotions no matter what we go through for the rest of our lives. We will not be happy with things or sad with ourselves.
strive to pursue the height you want, do what you should do, and see the scenery you want to see.
encourage each other!