No matter who you get along with, care less and ask for more, give more and be considerate.
Green above the point
psychologists have classified interpersonal relationships as "consumptive" and "nourishing".
the person who nourishes you can constantly inject energy into you and keep you going.
meeting someone who consumes you will plunge you into endless disputes and troubles, suck away your energy and make you exhausted.
A lot of people will come into your life in this life.
No matter relatives or friends, only by curing and nourishing each other can feelings be harmonious and lasting.
all comfortable relationships are actually reverse consumption.
between families, less blame and more tolerance
Mr. Shan Yinjin, a scholar in the Qing Dynasty, once said:
"those who are not exuberant and unlucky at home;
there is no hostility, but the family is not in decline. "
if a family is full of grievances and blaming each other, no matter how close the relationship is, it will become estranged day by day.
in emotional blackmail, Zhou Muzi, a psychological counselor, tells a story.
Ake, Zhou Muzi's cousin, is in college.
one summer vacation, Ake called to tell his parents that he was going to travel to England with his friends.
when my father heard this, he said angrily:
"have you ever heard of 'parents are here, don't travel far'?
I want to go out to play during the holiday. I haven't considered my parents' feelings at all. How could I raise an unfilial daughter like you? "
Ake said without showing weakness:
"do you care about my feelings? Do you know how long I have been planning this trip? "
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Father and daughter quarreled with each other, each complaining about each other's faults.
my father was always livid and often lost his temper.
what was supposed to be a good home, the atmosphere dropped to a freezing point in each other's censure.
most of the time, family tragedies do not come from disasters, but from consumption and infighting among families.
avoid blindly blindly criticizing when things happen, and be more patient and tolerant to your family, so that the family will be happy and harmonious.
writer Wang Zengqi, when talking about his father, smiled and said:
"We have been brothers for many years."
when he was a child, Wang Zengqi was very playful and did not study well.
but no matter how bad his grades are, his father never scolded him, but only advised him to study harder.
at the age of seventeen, Wang Zengqi had a girlfriend.
when my father learned of this, he did not immediately scold or teach him a lesson, but communicated with him and guided him correctly.
because of this understanding and tolerance, Wang Zengqi had to discuss with his father no matter what was big or small.
for decades, the family has always been peaceful and beautiful.
the writer Desailai said:
"tolerance and thoughtfulness. Without these two things, what would a family be?"
always remember that in the family, relatives are more important than truth, and tolerance is more important than reform.
it is inevitable that families will stumble along with each other.
when things happen, there will be less blame and more tolerance, so that the family can form a rope and become the strongest backing for each other.
between friends, ask less and be grateful more
the writer Mu Yange once told such a story.
when she was in high school in another province, she got to know a fellow townsman, and the two hit it off and said everything.
once when I went out to dinner, the fellow-villager said that he had forgotten to bring money and let Mu Yan Song put on the mat first.
at first, out of affection, Mu Yan GE was difficult to refuse, so he readily paid for the meal.
I didn't expect that since then, every meal has been paid by Mu Yan GE.
not only that, but then the fellow-townsmen even turned to her for help to pay for the travel, accommodation and transportation expenses of the exam.
the demands of fellow villagers are excessive, which makes Mu Yan GE physically and mentally exhausted.
Human feelings are like a well, only know how to take, no matter how deep the well will gradually dry up.
once you ask for more and your feelings continue to be consumed, the relationship between people becomes more and more estranged.
Zhou Guoping said:
"all exchanges have an insurmountable final limit, and all troubles and conflicts arise from an unwitting attempt to break through this boundary."
only by getting along with friends, keeping boundaries, and knowing how to be grateful, can a relationship last for a long time.
writer Xie Kehui told a story.
A company boss asked his friend to do a market research.
after the friend finished sending it, the boss immediately transferred the money and paid a reward without saying a word.
my friend refused:
"We've been friends for so many years, it's just a favor."
the boss smiled and said:
"it is precisely because I have been a friend for more than ten years that I should settle accounts clearly. If you help me, this friendship is priceless."
under the gratitude and feedback of the boss, the two people trust each other and get along more and more comfortably.
writer Jostanjad once said:
"No one is born to be nice to anyone, so we should learn to be grateful."
No one is good to whom, it is taken for granted, to help you is the duty, not to help is the duty.
if you keep asking for it, you always want to take advantage of others.Appropriate, no matter how good the relationship, will slowly move towards alienation.
in interpersonal communication, there is wisdom to give up and wisdom to give up, and it is prudent to come and go.
learn to take less and be grateful more. Only by giving to each other can you keep a relationship deep and long.
between partners, less care and more support
I quite agree with one sentence:
"people, the more they care about, the more distant they become;
the more you worry about things, the more you worry about them; the more you worry about feelings, the colder you become. "
between partners, they always haggle over big and small things, and their feelings will be slowly exhausted in the entanglements.
told his own story.
Leaf has been married for 5 years, and her child is 2 years old. in the eyes of outsiders, she lives a delicate and happy life.
but peeling off the glossy outer layer, the marriage is already full of chicken feathers.
although the husband bears the main expenses of the family, he does little housework and seldom takes care of the children.
she wants to take the postgraduate entrance examination and run her own business, hoping that her husband can help take care of the children.
but her husband always refused and even angrily denounced her for being selfish.
for this reason, the two men will have a quarrel every three days, and neither of them will give in.
grievances and grievances accumulated more and more. As a result, the two became more and more tired and chose to divorce.
emotion blogger Kai Zi said that really good relationships must be mutual, regardless of gains and losses.
in life, two people get along with each other, care too much about everything, often win the truth, but lose the relationship.
husband and wife live hand in hand, less haggling and more support will lead to long-term happiness.
the documentary "meritorious deeds" tells the story of the scientist Tu Youyou and her husband Li Tingzhao.
Tu Youyou is so obsessed with scientific research that she is often too busy to care for her family.
once, Tu Youyou volunteered to pick up her daughter.
as a result, she lost track of time because she worked too hard. By the time she got to the kindergarten, her daughter had already been picked up by her husband.
after returning home, the husband not only didn't mention it, but also took the initiative to take care of his daughter and let Tu Youyou have peace of mind to read the information.
Tu Youyou seldom cares about her family because she is busy with her research.
Li Tingzhao didn't care at all. Instead, he took care of everything in the family, from human contact to washing and cooking.
it is this indifference that has made the relationship between husband and wife peaceful and beautiful for decades.
writer Bai Xianyong once said:
"there is a part of your life where one person supports each other and wears out the wind and rain together, then that period is better than a lifetime."
in marriage and love, two people are originally a community of interests.
instead of tearing at each other in picky calculation, it is better to give each other more support and support.
take care of everything and go both ways in order to spend the rest of each other's lives together.
have seen a metaphor:
Life is like a ship sailing in the sea. Family is the anchor, companion is the pulp, and friendship is the sail.
only by properly handling every relationship can we cooperate with each other and help us set sail.
No matter who you get along with, care less and ask for less, give more and be considerate.
get along with each other and treat each other sincerely so that they can nourish and warm each other.
, avoid consumptive relationships, find a comfortable home, and reap long-term relationships.
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