writer Wang Meng once said, "Don't always try to get the upper hand in language."

take it for granted, the desire to win over people is the biggest relationship killer.

if you embarrass others, they will not make you feel better; if you make them feel better, they can make you happy.

if you always want to overwhelm others in language, habitually tit-for-tat and win endlessly, this is the greatest stupidity in life, and you will suffer a great loss sooner or later.

and wise people, in the face of rebuttal and criticism from others, will digest before introspection.

it is the highest level of self-discipline for people to live in the world and restrain their desire to refute.

fools are good at refuting

there are always people who love to refute in life, no matter what you say, the first reaction is to refute.

never consider whether the words are appropriate or not, as long as others are speechless, they will be complacent and proud.

No one knows that refuting every word, eloquently, and speaking quickly for a moment will only plunge yourself into an endless abyss.

I can't help thinking of a case mentioned by Li Xiaolai, a famous teacher of New Oriental:

there is a group of people in this world who firmly believe that "the earth is flat" and have specially set up the "Horizon Association" for this purpose.

when you take a globe and say to him, "the earth is round," he will retort, "it's all fake, man-made."

when you show an astronaut a picture taken in space, he will continue to argue: "Yes, the picture is obviously flat."

he insists on turning black into white, and even if it is useless to put the facts in front of him, he will argue with you, waste your energy and deliberately add traffic to you.

to compete with such a person, you will always be a loser.

to be serious with such a person, you will never have an answer.

refuting people close to them will alienate them; refuting them with others will only increase their resentment and annoyance.

moreover, your rebuttal and argument will not put you in a high position and make people look at you impressively, but will make you pay an unbearable price.

in the Book of morality, it is said: "if you do not attack yourself, you will do meritorious service; if you are not proud, you will be long."

meaningless refutation, there is no real winner, competing in language is not only a sign of low EQ, but also a kind of unnecessary consumption.

A truly wise person will restrain his desire for rebuttal and know how to be sensitive to words and deeds. This is the best way to behave in the world.

the benevolent man is silent

Laozi once said, "those who know do not speak, but those who speak do not know."

A wise man never talks much, but an ignorant fool likes to gossip around.

when people get along with others, the value lies in silence, not in sharp teeth.

as the saying goes, "the depth of the water is silent, and a man is silent."

reticence is more powerful than eloquence, and knowing how to advance and retreat is more posturing than pinching pennies.

Zeng Guofan, a famous minister in the late Qing Dynasty, once met a strange and grumpy classmate in school, who was always directed at him intentionally or unintentionally.

one day, when Zeng Guofan was reading at the window, the classmate shouted, "Don't read here, hurry away, blocking my light."

after listening, Zeng Guofan silently moved aside and went on reading.

late at night, when Zeng Guofan stayed up all night and studied hard, his classmates ridiculed him for pretending to work hard, affecting his rest.

Zeng Guofan remained silent and continued to study in bed.

later, Zeng Guofan succeeded in winning merit and fame, but that classmate was not on the list.

unexpectedly, after learning that Zeng Guofan was promoted, he was sarcastic and sarcastic, saying that he had taken away all his good luck.

when this word spread to Zeng Guofan, he still kept silent and did his own thing conscientiously.

Zhuangzi said, "well frogs cannot talk about the sea; summer worms cannot talk about ice."

Life is always full of doubts and objections. If you refute them one by one and argue from time to time, you will only feel exhausted.

it is better to learn to be silent, to have a strong heart, not to be bothered by other people's words, not to be trapped by other people's ideas.

you should know that it is not wrong not to argue, and it is not weakness to keep silent. This is human bearing and free and easy.

the wise make progress

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Laozi said, "those who argue are not good, but those who are good do not argue."

people who are eloquent are not really powerful people, and enduring humiliation is the highest realm of life.

in the face of the slander and accusation of others, the most advanced way to deal with it is to refine yourself silently and strengthen yourself.

when you are strong enough to receive the gift of fate, the world will be kind to you.

Fan Zhongyan, a poet of the Northern Song Dynasty, came from a poor family, lost his father from an early age, and his mother remarried.

when he was young, he became a "drag bottle" and was often ridiculed by others.

some people laugh at him as a stupid child without parents, while others say he deserves to be poor all his life.

but he did not argue with reason and turned a deaf ear to other people's remarks.

I go to sleep at three o'clock, get up at five o'clock, live on porridge and pickles, and spend all my time studying hard.

do not complain about the injustice of fate, do not refute the harsh criticisms of others, and use all suffering as motivation.

later, Fan Zhongyan was named on the list and started a new life.

in the combination of sayingsSay: "apart from self-improvement, the art of the supreme man."

the trenches and ridges of life are mostly caused by lack of ability. cultivate yourself deeply and strengthen yourself, and no one can hurt you at all.

and pointless rebuttal, can not improve their own ability, but will be trapped in the gossip of others, trapping their own future.

your strong ability is your greatest capital and strength.

not afraid of difficulties, not afraid of setbacks, the future can be magnanimous and secure in this life.

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Laozi has a saying: "the husband only does not argue, so the world can not fight with it."

arguing is the act of a fool, but not arguing is the wisdom of a wise man.

competitive, easy to cut off from the back, quiet without argument, can contain all things.

Don't always win with your tongue, learn to be silent, always reflect on yourself, and improve every day. It is not only the wisdom of life, but also the practice of life.

, may you and I argue less, be more tolerant, calm and happy for the rest of my life.